I got to 44 without realising I’m autistic. How? Masking. I masked so well that I sort of lost myself and who I was. I was hiding from myself and others. I still am but I’ve started to slowly unmask in very small ways, like not hiding my stims. I still hide my meltdowns and shutdowns, which means people assume all is well when it isn’t.
So why do we mask? Well to be honest, it isn’t helpful to me at all. I get no benefit except less criticism and bullying maybe, which is thankfully less as an adult. The main reason for making is to make other people comfortable.
I came up with a good way to explain it. Yes, some autistic people can use similes, metaphors and other idioms. Masking is like faking an orgasm. You get no benefit and your needs don’t get met, but faking it stops the other person (or persons) feeling uncomfortable. That’s it. It’s not for the benefit of the person faking or masking.
In other news, I wrote a guest blog for the brilliant Rainbow and Co. on gatekeeping identity. Check it out here: https://rainbowandco.uk/blogs/what-were-saying/the-problem-with-gatekeeping-identity
My ADHD PhD 